Anybody remember when Velveeta ran all those ads telling people what queso dip was because somehow its existence was unknown to a demographically-significant portion of the populace?
Now we have to “Normalize ranch with chicken and meat?”
“Normalize Ranch?”
Ranch with meat isn’t just normal. It’s Hypernormal. It’s been a standard condiment since the Clinton Administration. It’s mayo for people who hate mayo.
RANCH FACTS:
They give you cups of it at wing places, you don’t ask for it. You have to tell them to give you something else.
They do the same at pizza places, and also sometimes ranch replaces the red sauce.
Ranch is so American it invades food groups like its looking for oil.
I’m in Oklahoma. We still had dry counties up until the twenty-teens and even we’ve been dipping our pizza in ranch since videogames came in a plastic cartridge.
It’s so basic we’ve gotten desensitized and we’re mainlining Green Goddess and Blue Cheese just feel something.
If you have too much shame to put ranch on something, like meatloaf, that doesn’t stop us. We just put the powder directly into the meatloaf.
The average Midwesterner is 17% ranch dressing by volume.
Ranch hasn’t become a beverage yet, but it’s still trying.
I mean it kinda has
Oh.
Oh, that’s trying, but in the “face your shadow self” sense.
If you will excuse me, I have to go make sure the seals have held.
Oh god, he’d absolutely be making the Madagascar penguin face on the inside. Just:
He fumbles it several times, dropping it on the floor and wrinkling his nose up at the thick rubbery smell. “God this thing looks sweaty. How am I supposed to follow the curly girl method in this thing?”
It’s an adlib not in the script. Just something his brain threw out in a last-ditch attempt at self-preservation. It’s so funny the crew can be heard cracking up in the background, the camera tilts up to the ceiling as the cameraman loses it. It gets kept in the final blooper reel.
Someone passes the mask to Alfred, and he humours them with a line read, just for the gag reel you know? At least three production crew members get just a little bit spooked. They delete Alfred’s footage, and act more considerately around him for the rest of their time there
Hgskl. Brucie Wayne being treated like a fellow Muppet, while Alfred is the human playing it totally straight 😂
… Pretty sure we could fan-edit this movie out of mixed clips from The Muppet Show, if we’re just willing to roll with the actors portraying the humans swapping out from scene to scene…
Reblogging this too for folks with anxiety like myself who feel bad when they say they’re too busy but they don’t have every second accounted for doing something so they feel almost like they’re lying. Self-care goes on your schedule too, lovelies.
